Letting the bullies win

Although a few things have been going on recently one thing has been seeping into everything I do in the last week.

In the last month I have started to attend a local crochet group which has been fantastic, especially as most new mothers know having a young child can be very isolating especially as I didn’t know many people in the area in the first place, and although I have wonderful friends who have made a real effort to come and see me on a regular basis I do miss having people I can just drop in for a cup of tea with. So the group meant I was getting a chance to meet more people from the local area, unfortunately from the very first meeting I had trouble on the way home.

Now I have been large all my life and have over the years been subjected to abuse in the street, I have learnt to ignore it quite successfully to a point that I don’t really hear it, I am not saying that I approve of this behaviour in any way shape or form but as some one who stands out from the so called ‘norm’ there are uneducated people out there whose only way of dealing with things beyond there understanding is by attacking it. I guess it could also be said that I choose not to conform, but this is a much bigger discussion for another time.

Well as I was saying every night on the walk down to the bus stop I recieved verbal abuse from a passing car, besides making me jump a little I ignored it, although its unusual for it to be as regular as this (same time and same place every week) on the whole its not unknown, this last Friday was different though.

I had a wonderful time as normal with the ladies and walked to the bottom of the road with one of them where we go in different directions, I only have about 50m, if that to walk to the bus stop from there, 10m down the road I heard abuse being yelled at me from a silver Chrysler car, I cant tell you exactly what they said as I didn’t pay it much attention but was the normal expletives about my  size, I carried on walking down to the bus stop which is in a busy residential road, and sat at the bus stop on my own, two minutes later I felt a pain in my upper right arm and a loud noise and looked up to see the same car driving off, apparently abuse wasn’t enough for them any more, after the shock had worn off a little I worked out that they had gone and purchased eggs and had used them as drive by missiles, thankfully only one had made contact although this left a very large bruise as they had been thrown with quite a large amount of aggression.

I know to some people this sounds funny and use the term ‘oh it was just boys having a laugh’ well those ‘boys’ have now stopped me going back to the group as to be honest I am scared that next time it wont be eggs they throw.

The worse thing about all of this for me is that they have won, I have spent my life not allowing people to limit what I can do and hopefully passing that on to all the young people I have worked with over the years but I have no one to stand up against here, they are such cowards they hide in a fast car, it has made me question a lot of things but I am trying not to let them win in any other way.

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17 Comments

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17 responses to “Letting the bullies win

  1. Roo

    Nic, that’s terrible. You should report it to the police. Are there community officers in the area locally who could help?

    • There is not a lot to report, I dont think they would take it seriousley here compared to other things that happen locally, if I had any way of IDing them I wouldnt hesitate though.

  2. I am beyond livid and can only imagine how you are feeling, I’m really sorry this is happening to you. Hugs xx

  3. Yvonne

    Nic, please report it, you have been verbally abused, physically assaulted. You have no way of knowing if it has been happening to others, there may well be ASBO implications as well. If I hadn’t been reading this so late I would have called you to offer support – you know how to contact me if I can help.

    Hugs

  4. wyesue

    Dear Nic,
    please report it, dont let them win. Can you get one of the other ladies to walk with you and take the registration of the car down ? Speak to Yvonne, she will know how to deal with them…
    Dont stay stuck in the house, it is really not good for you.
    Sending much love Sue xxx

  5. You have to report it. This behaviour is not acceptable, on any level.

    You should definitely go back to your group, but you might feel more secure taking a different bus stop or or a different route.

    I am hopping mad on your behalf.

  6. Wibbo

    Oh Nic, this is awful! I agree with the other comments about reporting it then at least what happened is on record. Jan xx

  7. Nic, I had no idea you had had this problem, I hate bullies of any kind and usually they have their own problems but want to deflect the attention on to someone else. I am glad you have reported it, and I understand the isolation, so do try to get back to your group.

    Beverley xx

  8. Sue

    What utterly horrible ignorant nasty people!
    You are one if the kindest, calmest people I know and you DO NOT deserve this.
    I encourage you to report this and please don’t let this keep you indoors!

    {{{{{HUG HUG HUG}}}}

    Sue

    xxx

  9. Nic, this is awful, and I do know how you feel’ as I’ve been subjected to some of this lately myself. Definitely report it, and I’m with Yvonne– how can we support you?

  10. That is absolutely appalling behaviour. Like everyone else said I think you should report it. Could you ask someone else from the group to walk to the bus stop with you and wait? I know if someone asked me to do that I’d do it!

  11. ((((((hugs))))))

    You “must” report it. What if they think full soda cans would be even funnier? If they keep getting away with it, they will attack others, too.

  12. julie

    Nic, I know how you are feeling, being targeted by yobs myself, the Police told me no matter how minor you need to report it, it may lead to ‘bigger things’ or help build a case load.
    Also, I beleive in Karma, and they are in a fast car, there are faster ones than them out there, who knows what may happen, please carry on x

  13. Hug x

    Have sent you a PM on FB.

  14. Izzie

    Nic – you are one of the most beautiful people I know, added to which you have the ability to create unparalleled beauty in your artwork.

    If there is any way to get the license number it’s entirely possible these people are already in the system. I’m not sure if where you live has a restorative justice dept.,but if so this would give you an opportunity to tell them how this has affected you. I can only imagine the shame they would feel if they were made aware – especially if their mothers were present.

    At the end of the day, it’s not a matter of winning or losing – it’s an unfair battle and do not be hard on yourself for not being able to stand up to them. They are cowardly misogynists who are trying to make your life difficult most probably because their own lives lack meaning and hate has taken over their hearts. The sad part is that if they had a chance to get to know you, their lives would undoubtedly be improved by the encounter. You have had such an great and positive impact on other people – this shows that you win hands down.

  15. Tossers! I’m so angry that this has happened to you.

    You’ll get an extra big hug from me when I see you on Thursday – we’ll have a brilliant weekend.

  16. Jan (Iknit)

    Hi Nic

    Sorry to hear about your appauling experience, and hope that you can gain strength from the support of your Family & Friends

    I was also bullied because I have Eczema I know that sinking feeling.

    Please take care, and if it continues you must go to the Police!

    Hugs till I see you again

    Jan xx

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